Chapter 3: The ash-covered shard part 1
Maiko was called by her teacher to talk about the future. When she arrived at the nearest station to the school to go home, what she saw was Aoi Shirano, dressed in the school uniform, walking towards the street in front of the station with an incredibly beautiful girl. "──────!" Seeing that scene, Maiko stood still in front of the station for a moment. The next thing Maiko did was to enter the station quietly, making sure not to run into Aoi. "............" Maiko passed through the turnstile expressionlessly and stayed on the platform. Soon, the train arrived and she got off two stations later. She arrived at the station closest to her home. However, Maiko did not go straight home but slowly headed to the large park near the river close to her apartment, put a hundred-yen coin in a vending machine, and bought a can of soda. She sat alone on a concrete bench under the evening sky. ── I didn’t want to see him... Maiko sighed deeply. Her already downcast expression became even gloomier. Maiko had a small crush on Aoi. Although she hadn’t been going to school much lately and was shy by nature, from the first moment she saw Aoi, she felt a secret attraction to him. It all started shortly after she entered school when she first saw Aoi. Before classes started in the morning, Aoi was sitting in his seat, reading "A Series of Unfortunate Events" by Lemony Snicket, with his cheek resting on his hand. That was when Maiko became interested in her classmate Shirano Aoi, whose name she didn’t even remember at the time. Maiko loved children's stories and young adult literature, but she had never seen a boy her age reading them. She wondered what that person was like, and she became interested in her classmate. Of course, due to her personality, she couldn’t talk to him without a reason, but since then, Maiko secretly watched Aoi, paying attention to his actions. Aoi didn’t have a striking appearance or personality, but that made him more attractive to Maiko. Although she wasn’t unattracted to handsome boys, boys with an image of being stylish or athletic scared her, as if they were from another world. That’s why Aoi’s modesty felt comfortable and realistic to her. And if you looked closely, Aoi was thin and, although not masculine, didn’t look bad. However, Aoi was generally passive in his behavior and avoided standing out, always quickly blending in if he attracted attention. He seemed to skillfully avoid leaving a strong impression on others. She thought he was probably someone who didn’t like to draw attention. She envied him. Maiko also hated drawing attention, but the opposite happened to her. Unable to handle herself well, Maiko ended up standing out, which sometimes led to bullying. That’s why she admired Aoi. She had always been interested in him. When she received the call yesterday, she was very surprised and happy. Today, she was very happy to be able to talk to him, even if just a little. But... she saw it. Aoi going home with a girl. Her secret admiration, her secret affection, and her secret joy suddenly turned into a weight that sank Maiko’s heart into deep darkness. ── I didn’t want to know... Maiko lowered her head on the cold stone bench. The park, with large steps like stadium stands beside the embankment, was like a cold sculpture, filling Maiko’s heart with a chilling wind. She would have been happy if she hadn’t known. If the teacher hadn’t stopped her to talk, she wouldn’t have encountered that scene. Thinking about it, Maiko blamed the teacher in her heart. She knew it was a tantrum, but she couldn’t help but feel resentment towards the teacher who triggered everything. If she hadn’t known, she could have continued to admire him. That made her happy. Just observing him and dreaming about him. She didn’t think about confessing her feelings. She couldn’t, and she wasn’t even sure her feelings were true love. However, the fact that she was so depressed meant that the feeling she had all this time was really love. Though she realized it late. The admiration for Aoi, who seemed within reach, was a happy illusion. Realizing it was a mistake, everything ended. Maiko didn’t have the will to fight for him or defeat her rivals. "──── She was very beautiful..." Remembering the scene from a distance, Maiko murmured. Even from afar, the girl was so beautiful that she stood out. She couldn’t compete with her. They made a good couple. Maiko recalled her life so far, realized she had never been truly happy, and started to cry a little. "........" Maiko wiped away the few tears with her fingers, opened her bag, and took out the bread she hadn’t finished at lunch. As soon as she did, the scattered pigeons in the park began to slowly approach. Since she was little, Maiko liked feeding the pigeons. When she was a child, she took bread from home; in elementary school, she brought back the bread she didn’t eat at lunch; and since junior high school, she bought extra bread on purpose and almost every day fed the pigeons in this park. Today too, with lunch money, she bought cheap, tasteless bread. She took the bread out of the bag, broke it into pieces, and threw them. The pigeons gathered around, fighting for the pieces. Although there weren’t many pigeons in this park, recently, for some reason, their number had decreased, but when the sound of new pigeons joining was heard, the smell of warm feathers under the daylight spread in the air. Maiko watched as several pigeons pecked at the same piece of bread. She liked pigeons. They were symbols of peace, symbols of innocence. Symbols of freedom, flying in the sky. They could fly and escape this place at any time... unlike Maiko. When she was little, Maiko liked to clumsily run after the pigeons, and they used to call her "the pigeon girl." But now, Maiko was like a chained pigeon. Maiko couldn’t fly. She couldn’t escape. She was chained to this reality. School, Friends, Relatives, and her mother. Tied to these things so she couldn’t fly, a pigeon with clipped wings so she couldn’t escape. A pigeon that can’t fly, feeding the pigeons that can. Watching them eat the bread, she felt envious, wishing they would take her somewhere far away. She hadn’t thought about these things before while feeding them. She just liked scattering the bread and watching the pigeons gather. Without realizing it, she began to think about those things while watching the pigeons. It was probably when she was in the last years of elementary school, when she realized she was like a pigeon that couldn’t fly. It was around the time she began to be bullied at school for trivial things. When she realized she couldn’t escape from her mother. When living became difficult. She wanted to be a pigeon. Not a weak and tied pigeon like now, but a truly free pigeon that could fly and escape this place at any time. Not a pigeon with clipped wings. 「……………… 」 When the bread ran out, Maiko continued to watch the pigeons that circled around her, but finally got up slowly from the stone bench among the group of pigeons. It was time to go home. Her mother was waiting for her. Her mother, who suffered from terminal cancer that had spread throughout her body and had no cure, had returned home by her own wish to wait for the end of her life. † 「…… I’m home」 The sound of the key turning in the metal door echoed excessively when Maiko opened it and said. There was no response. She found it strange. It wasn’t unusual for her mother, who slept in the bedroom, not to respond. But her cousin, who was there to take care of her mother, also didn’t respond, which was a bit strange. 「Natsume onee-chan……?」 From the entrance, Maiko called out the name of her cousin, who had started attending a design school last year after graduating from technical high school. 「…… 」 Even so, there was no response. Yesterday, during a meeting, they had an awkward conversation and parted ways unfriendly, so she thought maybe that’s why there was no response. She thought maybe Natsume wasn’t responding because of the awkward situation. However, at that moment, Maiko didn’t consider the possibility that Natsume wasn’t there. Natsume wasn’t the type of person who would do something like that. She had a strong sense of responsibility and was very considerate. The reason for yesterday’s argument was that Natsume cared too much about Maiko. Thinking about Maiko, Natsue had said negative things about her mother. That saddened and angered Maiko so much that she ended up crying, and Natsue, frustrated, stopped talking and left. Of course, she wasn’t angry anymore. Natsue probably wasn’t angry either. After all, they had been very close relatives since childhood, and Maiko understood that. However, when she saw in the kitchen that the ingredients for the meal hadn’t been touched, Maiko realized something unexpected had happened. She hurriedly dropped her bag and opened her mother’s bedroom door, jumping into the room. 「Mom!」 Her mother was lying on the bed. In the room where the stand rented from the hospital was, her mother, with a pale and lifeless face, lay in bed, and her sunken eyes looked at Maiko piercingly.
"............ Maiko ............ she didn't come ............ that girl ............"
Moving her dry lips, her mother spoke in a hoarse voice from deep within.
Hearing her mother's words, Maiko couldn't believe it. She was deeply shocked and left speechless.
Moving her dry lips, her mother spoke with a hoarse voice that came from deep within.
Maiko couldn't believe what she was hearing; her mother's words left her in a state of profound shock and speechless.
"That can't be..."
"... I told you ... she didn't want to come ..."
Her mother's voice, sometimes broken by phlegm, sounded as if it came from the depths of the earth.
"That girl doesn't like me ... I always knew she would do something like this ..."
A voice filled with resentment toward Natsume.
Although Maiko couldn't believe it, she said nothing about it because it seemed to be true. Regardless, she rushed to the kitchen to start preparing the food.
"I-I'll make something right away...!"
"... It's fine, it doesn't matter anymore ..."
Her mother cruelly told the rushed Maiko.
"That can't be..."
"I'm already tired today ... I had to go to the bathroom and manage the IV by myself ... No one helped me, I was alone the whole time. It was so lonely ..."
"... I'm sorry."
"Hum. That girl is like that ... She's always been bad. I never liked her ... I'm sure she feels happy leaving me alone. She despises me and that enrages me ... So you don't need to make food. I don't have the strength to eat anyway."
"..."
With a hoarse voice, her mother shouted. She still had the energy to shout. Her mother and Natsume hated each other.
Natsume had a strong sense of justice and didn't hesitate to point out her mother's flaws, which made her mother despise her, and in turn, Natsume deeply despised her mother.
The reason for this disdain was Maiko.
Since she was young, Maiko had been mistreated by her mother.
Maiko had countless burn scars on her left leg.
Her mother, who had always been somewhat hysterical, divorced when Maiko was three years old, and since then began to abuse her frequently.
When Maiko, as a child, didn't obey or did something her mother didn't like, her mother would hit her hard, and eventually started pressing a lit cigarette against her skin. She did it in an insidious way, so the burns wouldn't be visible, always in one place: Maiko's left leg.
The intense heat, like pain, would approach her skin, and with a "sizzle" it burned her flesh.
She screamed and writhed in pain, crying hard from the lingering burn.
She didn't understand why her mother did that to her, and when she was little, she thought something was wrong with her leg. "You're a bad girl," "Bad girls deserve this," her mother would repeat over and over again. Without looking her in the eyes, only looking at her leg with hatred.
So, seeing her mother's terrifying face during those times, Maiko came to believe there was something wrong with her leg and that's why her mother hated her.
She would harm herself on that leg, thinking that was what made her mother despise her. It was only recently that she realized, both in her mind and heart, that this thought was useless.
Aside from Natsume, no one else knew this truth.
Since Natsume accidentally discovered the burns when Maiko was in elementary school and forced her to confess the abuse, the relationship between Natsume and her mother had been terrible.
Although they had many other relatives, Maiko couldn't trust almost any of them. So, despite the bad relationship, Maiko asked Natsume to take care of her mother while she went to school.
Her mother had wished to die at home, and naturally expected Maiko, her only family, to take care of her.
Given her mother's character, she had no close relatives.
It was inevitable that Maiko had to take care of her, but when she told her mother she couldn't go to school, her mother replied, "Anyway, when I die, you won't be able to go to high school. So, it's better if you quit now." Although it was true, Maiko still wanted to attend school, and had no choice but to ask her cousin Natsume to take care of her mother while she was at school.
Although Natsume showed distaste for taking care of her despised aunt, she did it willingly for Maiko's sake.
However, today she didn't come.
Natsume wasn't the kind of person who would do something like this.
Perhaps after yesterday's argument, Natsume finally had enough of it all.
"............"
With a feeling of uncertainty and sadness, Maiko put on her apron in the kitchen to prepare the meal.
"............ AAA ............ AGH ............ AA ............ !"
From the bedroom, her mother continued to shout with a hoarse voice that was no longer understandable.
Through the window, Maiko could see the park, now enveloped in dusk, with small pigeons walking around. At that moment, the community speakers turned on, announcing six o'clock in the evening, and the small pigeons flew in unison in the twilight.
Small shadows flying over the park.
They formed a large group, drawing arcs in the sky.
They were small, majestic, and free.
Watching those pigeons, Maiko thought, even if only for a moment, that maybe those pigeons in the park could help her, like in the fairy tale 'Cinderella'.
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